"I wouldn't give a puppy to someone I didn't know. I had to give my baby to people I had never met." ~annonymous

What a day.
I just had to come back and write my thoughts, if only for me. Today we went to a maternity home and orphanage in Pyongtaek. It is about an hour outside of Seoul. We toured the campus and then were privileged to have a question and answer time with about 20 of the young women who were living at the maternity home. It was humbling to listen to these young girls ask such poignant questions of our children. Here are a few of the questions they wanted answered by the children:

Are you happy?
Does it bother you that you don't look like your parents?
Do you ever feel angry at your birthmother?
Do you wish you had been able to stay in Korea?
Will you ever want to meet your birthmother or are you too angry, ashamed, frustrated, etc...?

There was not a dry eye in the entire chapel as we parents knew what they were asking--will my child ever forgive me and will my child ever want to remember me? A few of the kids were able to share that they thought of their birthmother's often...but only with curiosity, sometimes sadness, but rarely anger. They were able to express that they understood why they had to make such a difficult decision. Even as I write this, tears are streaming down my face as remember the anguish of one young woman who shared she had just relinquished her child and she felt so sad. She said it helped to see such happy families, but it still hurt.

The benefits to both the birthmothers and the adopted children in our group will never really be able to be measured as I am sure both parties will remember and ponder this day for a very long time. As I sat there listening, I imagined Kari and Austin's birthmom having to make an adoption plan and remembered Bethany's sharing how difficult it was and asking for forgiveness. Hopefully, we were able to convey that they needed no forgiveness but rather deserved honor for the deciscion they were compelled to make.

While things are slowly changing for unwed and single mothers, it is still a country that shuns them and rarely can they make a go of it. Usually they ended placing their children in an orphanage within a year. They will never get any family support because of the shame they have brought their family. If their children become orphans and not adopted, they will live their lives as lower class citizens. Orphans grow up and marry other orphans because in Korea it is so important to be able to trace your blood line and to have extended family. No one would marry a person who had no family.

We also spent some time in the orphanage. This is where children live whose parents cannot take care of them but do not want to relinquish their parental rights. The parents might come and visit the children 3 or 4 times a year, but they have no means of raising them. They are stuck in limbo. This too was so emotional. The children so badly wanted attention and cuddling. Thankfully, they enjoyed the attention...I worry more about those children who have emotionally shut down. I held a little baby boy and rocked him to sleep as he snuggled in to my body. I so desparately wanted to take him home! His future is so bleak.

Me snuggling the sleeping baby. Oh my! He was so sweet. And will probably live his life in this orphanage.

As you can imagine. the whole tour is exhausted. First file reviews, meeting foster mothers or birthmom, and then today. It is a good thing that tomorrow we head to the mountains for some rest and relaxation.

I am not the same after having witnessed this touching dialogue between the children we love and raised as our own, and the birthmoms who also will always love these children. And knowing that they probably wish everyday that they could have been the ones to raise the children they gave birth to was a real insight for our children. Perhaps it will make their journey through this process a little less confusing and more easy to accept.

Well, thanks for letting me ramble once again.