Sometimes it takes years to grasp what has happened to your life. ~~Wilma Rudolph

Well, we are back! The trip that we planned for, saved for, and prayed for is over. But the effects of this trip will be processed by all of us in many different ways and different stages. Now as I pray, there are faces to the people I pray for...I like that.
If we had to measure the value of the trip today I would say that it was very good for many of the adopted persons and extremely valuable for their parents. As parents it gave us a glimpse into the heritage of our children, a sense of being a minority (it's weird to be the one stared at, whispered about), and insight into the process that our kids must go through to figure out their identity. Many of the parents would talk about how this was "their child's journey." I reminded them that they really couldn't separate themselves and it was their journey also. Many of our children had had to make family trees in school and they chose (maybe because their was no choice) to use the family history of their adopted family. It truly is their heritage. So too, the heritage of our children is completely our heritage. I will be forever connected to Korea and it's people. For the kids, the journey really has just begun as they sort out all of the experiences and emotions they encountered on the trip. I pray that this trip will have a settling effect on most of them, making them proud of the heritage and people they came from.

Some of the things I will miss about Korea:

• hotel rooms with doorbells
• motion lights for everywhere, in closets, at homes...Koreans are very concerned about saving energy and it was so cool to see some of the ideas that really make sense. (And I'd never have to bug Austin about turning out lights again!)
• the efficiency of Korea. They seem to really think things through when it comes to making things go smoothly.
  
• The respect the Koreans give their elders. Even in the smallest of ways, such as waiting to eat until the oldest person gets served and begins to eat, Koreans show their high regard to those who are oldest.
• the BLUE BUS!! This is the bus that I was "bus leader" for and we really connected. The families were special and we had a lot of fun together. We especially loved our Karaoke!
• Chopsticks! We ate every meal with chopsticks and spoons. No forks or knives. Cutting is done with the chopsticks.

Some of the things I won't miss about Korea:

• Chopsticks! I did miss the ease of forks and knives!
• The humidity...believe it or not it's even worse than here. Even when it is cooler out (i.e.-- 75 degrees) the humidity is still very high.
• Different social customs...knowing what is appropriate and what's not. For example, even handing money to a sales clerk with your left hand is considered rude but banging into people as you are walking in a crowd is common and never even considered rude. No one ever says "Excuse me" for something like bumping into you.
• Eating the same type of food at every meal. Veggies, rice, and fish are breakfast foods as well as lunch and dinner.
  

I will miss a lot of things, and yet I am glad to be home and in my comfort zone again. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this blog. It meant a lot to me to be supported and prayed for me while I was gone. God really did bless me and the families that I got to work with and I know it's because I had a terrific support group.

This is my last blog on the Korea 2006 trip!
Peg

We should not be asking who this child belongs to, but who belongs to this child. ~~Jim Gritter

I am amazed at the emotions I feel on this trip. I knew that I would care for these people, I can't believe how much I find myself climbing into their skin. The emotions they are feeling are so raw and intense that it is exhausting. As I listen and talk to many of these wonderful families, I am amazed at their courage, strength, and love for one another.

Tonight we had parent talk time. As people shared their experiences, all the emotions that came three years ago hit me like it was yesterday. One parent shared how it struck him when his child was walking down the street ahead of him with his foster mother, that his child had had another life before coming home to him. He knew it in his head, but seeing the person that raised his son for 5 months made it so concrete. Our children had a life before us! This is so hard for us to wrap our head around. We want to be the one and only, and that is not possible.

A couple of the children found out that their "adoption story" was false. That may not seem like a big thing, but when it is the only thing that they had that connected them to their birthfamily--it is huge. One child found out that his birthday was actually two days after the day he always thought it was. We might think that it's not that important but again, that was the one day in his past that he was connected to his birthmom, a day when he thought about her a lot. Now with the opening of a file and a few words from a social worker even that truth has been taken away.

While many children are so excited to have met their foster mothers, some didn't get the chance and others women who really didn't remember them. They had so many children that they fostered and these children were just one of many. She was glad to know he was doing well, but....
Thus, the connection that was hoped for, the information desired--whether he was a fussy baby or a contented one, whether he was a good eater or a finicky one, cannot be given. For some of those kids it was another sense of loss or rejection.

What a pandora's box we open...yet how could we not. We are in Pusan tonight and one young man who was born here shared that whenever he walked outside, he was always looking into the faces of the women around him wondering if one them happened to be her. It saddened him to know she might be within miles of him, but because of rules, both government and agency, he is denied the chance to meet her.

I think this trip is important, imperative, and immeasurable. All will go home having peeled off another layer in the search for identity. For some it opened up a whole new world waiting to be explored and this was just the beginning, while others solidified the fact that they are happy knowing what they know, and they don't need more. Adoption is a two-sided coin: gain and loss, trying to find out who your are with out having the history of who you were, joy and sorrow.

I am so thankful to have had this opportunity to accompany the people on this trip. I have gained so much insight into my own family.

And by the way, I really miss them.
Peg